User blog:Skylord Elberich/Jack the Wanderer

It was half-past seven, and Vidalia was on her way to work. Usually, Vidalia wouldn't set off until quarter to eight, but Vidalia decided to get up early so she could drop off some mail at the post office. After doing so, she realised she had some spare time, so she decided to peruse the market for a few minutes. Most of the stalls weren't open yet, however, and the ones that were didn't particularly have anything that caught her eye.

Suddenly a voice, in a strange accent she swore she had heard before, called out to her "You there, miss!" Vidalia turned to see a scruffy-looking salesman with a confident yet off-putting smile, waving at her from inside a merchant's caravan, retrofitted to be pulled by a motorcycle. She pointed at herself and gave him a look as if to say "You mean me?" The man, seeing he had caught her attention, said "Yes, you! Do I have an offer for you, miss!" Vidalia looked at her watch, and said "Look, I gotta go to work in a few minutes, I can't-" But the salesman cut her of before she could finish, saying "Then I will get straight to the point!" and pulled out a ring.

It was a horrifically gaudy-looking lump, made from low-carat gold, covered haphazardly in various poorly-cut gemstones, and dominated by a huge, flawed, pink ruby. It didn't seem to be designed to be a piece of jewelry, but a punching aid, unconvincingly diguised as a piece of jewelry. Vidalia took one look at it, and was sick in her mouth. She didn't have an eye for jewelry, and even she knew it was exceedingly bad. That being said, so would most people with functioning retinas.

"I know what you're thinking," the salesman began, "but this here ring, that I currently hold in my hand, has a most marvelous enchantment!" He looked around in a furtive manner, and then beckoned Vidalia to come closer to her, as if to tell her some clandestine secret. "This ring," he whispered "as long as you wear it, will make you the centre of attention in any room!" Vidalia looked at the salesman incredulously, glanced at the hideous ring, and then returned her gaze to the salesman. "It don't need an enchantmant for that" she said.

"Oh, no, you missunderstand!" The salesman exclaimed. "What I mean is, people will see you as the most charming, intelligent, and quick-witted person they have ever met! Even the most boring story will grasp their attention, and jokes will never fall flat! For you, the social ladder will be an escalator!" Vidalia raised an eyebrow. "If this ring is so great," she asked "why don't you keep it?" The salesman let out a small chuckle, and responded "Oh, I'm already charming enough, don't you think?" Vidalia nodded. Despite his unkempt appearance and strychnine smile, she had to admit this salesman did have a significant air of charisma about him.

"Alright, let's cut to the chase, man," she asked "how much is this thing gonna cost me?" The salesman rubbed his chin and pretended to think. "Well," he began "For such a valuable artifact, I usually wouldn't let it go for anything less than $200... but, for a pretty girl such as yourself, I could bring myself to let it go for... hmm, let's say $100?" Vidalia winced. "How about 50?" she asked. The salesman responded "Best I can do is 75." Vidalia thought for a moment, and then said "Done."