Logo for the blog.
Debasing the Beef Canoe was a very short blog by alliterator which featured the Wooden Girl. It can be read here.
Summary[]
The narrator, Neville, starts the blog to review episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, after watching the ninth episode ("The Puppet Show") on his DVD, he sees a strange Easter egg: a pair of Punch and Judy dolls who start to sing "Can you hear the drumming, drumming? She is coming, she is coming!"
After that, he finds more Easter eggs on the DVD: three episodes of a completely different show, a combination of stop-motion animation and puppetry. The episodes are called "Harlequinade," "The Last Masque," and "The Grand Guignal."
The story of the episodes is about Arlecchino and Colombina, who operate a Punch and Judy show, and are preparing for a Masque, a party that the Herleking is throwing. Arlecchino grows angry at Colombina, however, and strangles her to death. He is then thrown into Bedlam Hospital, but he escapes with the aid of black magic. It is then shown that strings surround Colombina's dead body and she rises. At the Masque (which the Herleking has declared to be their last), Arlecchino interrupts the party, but then tries to run when he sees the "Pale Prince." He runs into the dead Colombina and the Herleking says that she is "of the end" and that they are all going to die. He then stabs himself. Arlecchino tries to kill Colombina again, but she causes strings to come out of the ground and strangle him until his head comes off. At this point, Neville says that show goes from stop-motion and puppetry to live action and everything looks real. The dead Colombina causes strings to kill everyone and then makes their dead bodies dance, with herself in the middle.
Neville doesn't know what to make of the show. He finds another Easter egg from the creator of the show, who tells whoever is watching that "she" made him do it, that every action he has done is just because "she" wants it. Then he holds up a bundle of strings and they twist around his neck.
Neville, understandably freaked, breaks all of his DVDs and throws them all out. He declares that he will read books. He's already started. His hands turned the pages by themselves.
Other information[]
It is later revealed that the creator of the show was Ruggerio Magro and the show was called The Dance of Fortune, an English version of an Italian children's show.
Neville later makes an appearance as a Doll of the Wooden Girl in the Puppet's Game .